Daily Scripture Reading Numbers 10:29 - 11:15
Thomas turned off the kitchen light and stood in the dark for a long moment, listening to the hum of the refrigerator. It was the only sound left in the house now. The clock on the stove read 9:47. Too early for most people to go to bed, but Thomas had stopped measuring his days by normal hours a long time ago.
He moved slowly through the hallway, one hand brushing the wall for balance. His knees hurt. His back hurt. His chest carried a dull, constant pressure that no doctor could name and no pill could fully lift. At sixty-one, he had outlived his wife by nine years and his usefulness by at least five. His daughter lived three states away and called every other Sunday with the careful cheer of someone talking to a fragile thing. His son sent texts that grew shorter every year.
Thomas brushed his teeth without looking in the mirror. He already knew what he would see: gray skin, tired eyes, and a mouth that had forgotten how to hold a real smile. He changed into the same faded flannel pants and T-shirt he wore every night, folded the covers back, and sat on the edge of the bed.
For a while he just sat there, hands on his knees, staring at the carpet. He was so tired. It was not the kind of tired that sleep could fix. This was a deeper exhaustion, the kind that had settled into his bones and his thoughts and the spaces between his days. Every morning he woke up surprised that he was still here. Every night he lay down hoping that this time, his body would finally understand it was supposed to stop.
He didn’t want pain. He didn’t want drama or notes or sirens. He just wanted to close his eyes and die in his sleep.
Life is hard. Sometimes, we don’t know any solution to our pain other than for life to end. It’s easy to pity ourselves in these situations, but we are not the first to experience this desire. In fact, the eleventh chapter of Numbers tells us Moses was so worn down he wanted to die.
Moses grew up as the grandson of Pharaoh. When he was a young man, he killed an Egyptian and fled to Midian, where he got married and lived as a shepherd for many years. After Moses went back to Egypt and delivered the Israelites out of slavery, his father-in-law joined the Israelites at Mount Sinai. After spending a year at Mount Sinai building the tabernacle and receiving the law, the Israelites broke camp.
Num. 10:29 ¶ Then Moses said to Hobab the son of Reuel the Midianite, Moses’ father-in-law, “We are setting out to the place of which Yahweh said, ‘I will give it to you’; come with us and we will do you good, for Yahweh has promised good concerning Israel.”
Num. 10:30 But he said to him, “I will not come, but rather will go to my own land and kin.”
Num. 10:31 Then he said, “Please do not leave us, inasmuch as you know where we should camp in the wilderness, and you will be as eyes for us.
Num. 10:32 So it will be, if you go with us, that whatever good Yahweh does for us, we will do for you.”
This passage is not clear if Moses’ father-in-law agreed to stay with the Israelites. However, he apparently did stay with them because the book of Judges refers to the descendants of Hobab being amongst the Israelites (see Judges 1:16 and 4:11).
Num. 10:33 ¶ Thus they set out from the mount of Yahweh three days’ journey, with the ark of the covenant of Yahweh journeying in front of them for the three days, to spy out a resting place for them.
Num. 10:34 Now the cloud of Yahweh was over them by day when they set out from the camp.
Num. 10:35 ¶ Then it happened when the ark set out that Moses said,
“Rise up, O Yahweh!
And let Your enemies be scattered,
And let those who hate You flee before You.”
Num. 10:36 And when it came to rest, he said,
“Return, O Yahweh,
To the myriad thousands of Israel.”
Num. 11:1 ¶ Now the people became like those who complain of calamity in the ears of Yahweh. And Yahweh heard it and His anger was kindled, and the fire of Yahweh burned among them and consumed some of the outskirts of the camp.
Take note of the word “complain”. Despite everything Yahweh and Moses had done for the Israelites, they complained.
Num. 11:2 The people therefore cried out to Moses, and Moses prayed to Yahweh, and the fire died out.
Num. 11:3 So the name of that place was called Taberah because the fire of Yahweh burned among them.
The Hebrew word “Taberah” is a variation of the Hebrew word that is translated “burned”.
Num. 11:4 ¶ And the rabble who were among them had greedy desires; and also the sons of Israel wept again and said, “Who will give us meat to eat?
Notice the word “greedy”. Some of the people in the congregation were greedy and unhappy with their current situation.
Num. 11:5 We remember the fish which we used to eat free in Egypt, the cucumbers and the melons and the leeks and the onions and the garlic,
Num. 11:6 but now our appetite is dried up. There is nothing at all to look at except this manna.”
Yes, the Israelites had fish and a variety of food in Egypt, but they were also slaves in Egypt. They essentially were thinking that having better food was better than being free. Keep in mind this was barely more than a year since they had escaped slavery. Exodus 2:23 makes it clear the Israelites were suffering as a result of their slavery.
Num. 11:7 ¶ Now the manna was like coriander seed, and its appearance like that of bdellium.
Num. 11:8 The people would go about and gather it and grind it between two millstones or beat it in the mortar, and boil it in the pot and make cakes with it; and its taste was as the taste of cakes baked with oil.
Num. 11:9 And when the dew fell on the camp at night, the manna would fall with it.
Num. 11:10 ¶ Now Moses heard the people weeping throughout their families, each man at the doorway of his tent; and the anger of Yahweh was kindled greatly, and it was evil in the sight of Moses.
In this verse we learn Moses heard the weeping and it was evil in his sight.
Num. 11:11 So Moses said to Yahweh, “Why have You allowed this evil toward Your slave? And why have I not found favor in Your sight, that You have laid the burden of all this people on me?
Take note of the word “why”. Moses was fed up with the Israelites. It is somewhat ironic that when Moses was fed up with the complaints of the Israelites, he started complaining to Yahweh.
Num. 11:12 Was it I who conceived all this people? Was it I who gave birth to them, that You should say to me, ‘Carry them in your bosom as a nurse carries a nursing baby, to the land which You swore to their fathers’?
These are rhetorical questions. It was not Moses’ idea to leave Midian and free the Israelites. Yahweh recruited Moses for this task.
Num. 11:13 Where am I to get meat to give to all this people? For they weep before me, saying, ‘Give us meat that we may eat!’
Num. 11:14 I alone am not able to carry all this people because it is too heavy for me.
The words “too heavy” indicate Moses was overwhelmed with the burden of leadership.
Num. 11:15 So if You are going to deal thus with me, please kill me at once, if I have found favor in Your sight, and do not let me see my wretchedness.”
Don’t miss the words “kill me at once”. Moses was so worn out, he preferred to be dead. Moses was probably correct that the burden was too heavy for him. Tomorrow we will read that Yahweh reduced his load. However, Moses was also focusing on himself rather than the opportunity he had to serve Yahweh.
Many people throughout history have been at a point in life where their suffering was so painful they simply wanted to die. That is normal. Life is hard. However, just as Yahweh still planned to use Moses, we need to keep in mind that no matter how bad life gets, we are servants of God. He did so much for us, we should be willing to suffer anything in service to Him.
Thanks for visiting Bible Mountain. If you have already joined my email list, thank you and please tell others about Bible Mountain. If you have not joined my email list yet, please do so now. In order to join, go to Bible Mountain dotcom, click on subscribe, and that will take you to a page where you can sign up. Your email address will not be sold nor given away. Once again, thanks for visiting Bible Mountain.
“Scripture quotations taken from the (LSB®) Legacy Standard Bible®, Copyright © 2021 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Managed in partnership with Three Sixteen Publishing Inc. LSBible.org and 316publishing.com.”